Fast and Reckless: The Fraternity Brothers Series Book Two Read online

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, she changed me forever all right. She’s pregnant.”

  I expect him to look shocked or surprised at the least, but he doesn’t. He stands there staring at me like I just told him I picked up a gallon of milk on my way home from work yesterday.

  “Did you hear me, man? She’s having my baby.”

  “And?”

  “And I don’t want kids… as in never.”

  He drops his arms and shrugs. “Well, plans change. At least you’re really into her, and she isn’t some hoe one-night stand you never wanted to see again.”

  “You’re not hearing me, Blake. I. Don’t. Want. Kids.”

  “I hear you fine. We don’t always get what we want, Damian. Carina can’t have kids, and I wanted a slew of ‘em, but you don’t see me crying in my Wheaties.”

  I look across the hood of my car at a man I have called my good friend for five years and realize that I don’t know anything about him beyond cars and racing.

  “I’m sorry, man, I didn’t know.”

  “It’s okay. I made my peace with it a long time ago.” He points his finger at me in the dim light. “You’re lucky. Don’t fuck it up.”

  “I’m not lucky. I’m not father material. I have bad genes. I don’t want to pass that shit along to the next generation. I wanted it to die with me.”

  “Wanted what to die?”

  “I don’t like to talk about my past, man, but trust me, it isn’t pretty, and Layna’s too pure and kind to have a baby with somebody like me.”

  “Maybe so, but it’s too late now, so you may as well make the best of it. Kids can heal, man. They make you forget your past. They light shit up and chase away the darkness. Trust me, it might be unplanned, but it’s a good thing and not a curse.”

  That’s where he’s wrong. It isn’t a good thing to bring a child into a world where horrible things happen every second of every day. My darkness is too dense, too thick and haunting to be lit up by a child.

  I wish it wasn’t. More than anything, I wish it wasn’t.

  6

  Layna

  I stand and start to walk up the beach toward my car in shock. I shouldn’t drive, but I can’t stay here in Damian’s wake waiting to drown. He not only doesn’t want our child, be he’s also vehemently opposed to it.

  I was prepared for some pushback or surprise, but not this, not such a blatant demonstration of disgust at the thought of having a child with me.

  “Layna, are you okay? What did that asshole do now? Whatever it is, I’m thinking he didn’t mean it,” Lennon says hurrying alongside me balancing his enormous plate of food.

  “Oh, he meant it all right. If there’s anything I’m sure of now, it’s that he means what he says and says what he means.”

  I feel Lennon’s hand on my upper arm and stop, not facing him. I’m too embarrassed by my tears, ashamed that I ever thought Damian would be happy about our pregnancy… my pregnancy.

  “I don’t know how much you know about Damian, you two haven’t been together long, but he has an unimaginable amount of serious baggage. If you can, cut him some slack as he reacts first and thinks later. I’m sure whatever it is, you guys can work it out. I’ve never seen him so into a woman before. You’re different, he really cares about you.”

  I snort and glance at him. “Yeah, well he may care about me, but he doesn’t care about our baby.” I continue walking away leaving Lennon standing there with his mouth hanging open wide.

  Without thinking about Mimi, I get into my car, slam the door, and head home. Halfway there, I realize I’ve left her without a ride or so much as a goodbye. I shut off the car in my garage and text her.

  Me: Things couldn’t have gone worse with Damian. I told him, he freaked and left, so did I. Do you want me to come back and get you?

  I wait for a minute, and the bubbles of her texting a message pulse on the screen.

  Mimi: Wondered where you were going. Don’t worry about me. I can grab an Uber. Do you need me to come to your place?

  Good old Mimi, willing to sacrifice her fun to come sit with a sobbing mess like me. I just want to be alone with my thoughts right now.

  Me: No, stay and have fun. One of us might as well. Call me tomorrow when you get up.

  Mimi: Okay, you know I will. Love you.

  Me: You too.

  I exit my car and make my way into the building, up the elevator, and into my condo. No one is around. Everyone is probably out enjoying a perfect California evening drinking on a patio bar or going to the latest blockbuster movie. These condos are full of young hipsters, computer geeks, and sports enthusiasts doing the things that young people my age should be doing while I’m preparing to lock myself inside my home and hide from my problems for as long as possible.

  Maybe forever.

  Inside, I strip out of my dress, kick off my shoes, open the French doors to my patio, and lay down on my couch in my underwear.

  What the hell is going on with Damian? What kind of baggage could make someone so vehemently opposed to having children? I could have stayed and asked Lennon to explain but how would that make me look? The pathetic girlfriend who got knocked up and dumped on the beach hangs around asking his friends why doesn’t he want her or their baby?

  Gag.

  That’s not me. I’m strong, independent, and capable of doing this alone. I have a great career, I make plenty of money, and I work from home. I’ll have no problem at all raising this little bean by myself without Damian. That’s what I tell myself as I lay in the dark watching the sheer curtains that cover my French doors float in the breeze.

  It’s cooled down since the sun set, and I turn off my air-conditioning in exchange for some fresh air. I open the windows in every room to let the breeze in never worrying about someone breaking in on the sixth floor of my building. Only Spiderman could get into my condo, and if Tobey Maguire wants to break in, I’m okay with that.

  I wash my face and pull a brush through my short hair before crawling into bed. It’s early, so I could work on edits for my book or start plotting my next, but I’m exhausted. How can something so tiny sap all of my energy?

  As tired as I am, I still can’t fall asleep. Staring at the ceiling, my brain won’t shut the hell off. Thoughts start to swirl around in my head. How could this have happened? What will my parents think when they find out their daughter is having an illegitimate baby out of wedlock? They’re so old-fashioned, they’re going to freak. How will I change the décor of my guest bedroom into a nursery and on and on and on.

  A woman isn’t supposed to have to worry about all of these things alone. She’s supposed to have a partner who bears half of the burden and half of the joy. That’s the most upsetting part for me, knowing that my baby will never have a loving father.

  My phone lights up on my nightstand, and I reach for it. I wait for my eyes to adjust to the light and read the text. It’s from Mimi.

  Mimi: I’m outside, Uber just dropped me off. We need to talk.

  Outside? Now? I look at the clock, and it’s two in the morning. I can’t believe I’ve been lying here obsessing for so long.

  I text her back.

  Me: Come on up.

  In true Mimi fashion, she barges through my door and jogs down the hall to my bedroom before I have the chance to get up and let her in.

  “Gotta pee, hang on,” she says flipping on the light in my bathroom.

  I sit up and listen to her pee for so long it sounds like someone left a garden hose running.

  “Sounds like you drank the whole keg by yourself,” I say as she finally finishes.

  “I had a lot, that’s no lie. I’ve been drinking water for an hour and a half, though, so I’m good. I’ve been holding it all night, don’t like peeing on the beach.”

  “Are you afraid a little crab will jump up and pinch your twat?”

  “No, Miss Smarty Pants. I don’t like my ass hanging out in public.”

  “So, did you come to use my b
athroom, or is there another reason your Uber brought you here instead of your home?”

  She flushes and washes her hands before slipping out of her clothes and opening the second drawer of my dresser to retrieve an oversized t-shirt to sleep in. She slips it over her head and crawls into bed next to me.

  “Wait. You and Damian haven’t been making babies on these sheets, have you?” she asks holding the comforter away from her body.

  “No, Mimi. We haven’t seen each other in weeks, and I wash my sheets regularly. You’re safe.”

  “Whew, thank God.” She snuggles down and turns onto her side facing me. “I talked to Lennon and Hunter about Damian.”

  “Why? It’s obvious he isn’t interested in being a father, and I’m perfectly capable of raising this baby on my own.”

  “Don’t you want to know why he isn’t interested in being a father?”

  “No.” What a lie. I want to know so bad my bones ache.

  “Yes, you do. You’re just being stubborn.”

  “Well, if you want to tell me, go ahead, but I don’t care.” Lie, lie, lie.

  “I knew you wanted to know. Okay, so I don’t have details, but the guys said that Damian had an incredibly difficult childhood. He was adopted out of foster care by good people, but before that, some pretty messed-up shit happened. I don’t even think they know the whole story. Lennon told me to have you ask him and said it would explain his reaction. Oh, and everyone says congratulations. Those people are like one big, happy family. Thanks for taking me tonight. I love meeting new people.”

  I roll my eyes in the dark. I’m having the worst night of my life, and Mimi is out making new friends with my ex’s fraternity brothers. It figures. She attracts positivity everywhere she goes. She can turn the worst situation into a garden party with rainbows and unicorns.

  “I saw that. Don’t be mad, you left me there, after all. I just made the best of it.”

  “I’m not mad, I’m frustrated and confused and… yeah, okay, I’m mad. I can raise this baby on my own, but I don’t want to. It’s so unfair. I was careful, and I’m not ready, but there are millions of women out there who can’t have babies no matter how hard they try. I should be grateful, and maybe one day I will be, but right now I’m just pissed.”

  “I get it, really I do, but I don’t think you should give up on him right away. Let the news sink in and see if he calls in a few days.”

  “I am not holding my breath. As far as I’m concerned, I am in this alone.”

  “You’re not alone, you have me, and I’m pretty sure it would take an army to keep that girl, Fiona, out of your life. She’s a firecracker not to mention the heart and soul of that group. She’s so excited you’d think she was having a baby.”

  “Yeah? What did she say?”

  “Only that she’s going to be the greatest aunt who ever lived, and she wants to babysit every chance possible. She also said she would cut Damian’s dick off if he doesn’t come around, and I tend to believe her.”

  “Oh great, that’s all I need, someone pressuring him to be involved. Honestly, I don’t want him around unless he’s truly interested and dedicated to this child’s future. I don’t want a pity daddy or a guilt-ridden man who only shows up for appearances’ sake.”

  “Give him time. I’d bet money that he comes around big time.”

  “Mimi, you don’t have any money.”

  “Well, if I did, I’d bet that Damian ends up being father and boyfriend of the year after the baby is born.”

  “That’s why you’re poor, always betting on the wrong things.”

  She reaches out and play slaps my cheek. “Shut up. I’m trying to make you feel better.”

  “It’s not working.” That’s only a partial lie. The news that Damian has a good reason for acting the way he did tonight sparks a tiny flame of hope in my heart. Maybe he can be helped? Maybe all isn’t lost after all?

  7

  Damian

  I should probably feel better after talking to Blake. His advice would’ve been good for most guys, but I’m not most guys. A normal man could deal with an unplanned pregnancy one way or another. They’d dump the girl and skirt their responsibilities or step up and be part of the kid’s life.

  I care for Layna, more than I’ve ever cared for a woman before, but a pregnancy? That’s the only thing that could unravel what we had going. Passing along my genes is too risky.

  I step out of my car and make my way to the porch where I drop into a rocking chair that Fiona insisted would look charming out here. I argued that I’d never use it, but it’s become my favorite place to chill.

  The sun is starting to rise, and the sky is a hazy shade of orange and blue. I’ve been driving around all night trying to figure out what to do, and still, I got nothing. Layna wants this baby, and it was pretty obvious there’s nothing I can do to change her mind unless…

  I could tell her about my past. Would that be enough to convince her that having this baby is a mistake? Or, will knowing what I’m made of or who I’m made of make her sick? Then I’ll lose her, and I don’t want to live without that woman. I love her. The realization of that love hits me like a tidal wave, and I sit up straight in the rocking chair. I can’t let her go. I have to find a way to change her mind without exposing my past.

  In the house, I head for the shower. No time for sleep, I have to get to Layna’s. I have some groveling to do. When all the sand has washed down the drain, and I’m dressed in my trademark black jeans and black t-shirt, I grab a cup of coffee and make my way back outside to my car.

  I don’t know how I’m going to do it or what I’ll say, but I have to make Layna believe having this baby is a bad idea without seeming like a total ass. Maybe I could lie and tell her I have some horrible genetic marker that could be passed along to the baby? Is that even a thing? Shit, I should have researched.

  No, I can’t lie to her, that’s no way to earn her love. Omitting the truth is technically considered a lie too, but I’m not going to risk telling her about my past. I have to come up with something. Think, Damian, think.

  Her career. Maybe I could remind her how hard it would be to write and travel with a kid. Or how it changes your body or drains your bank account or ruins your social life. No, she works at home, has plenty of money for a nanny when she travels, she’s in great physical condition, and she’s a homebody. In other words, she’s the perfect candidate for motherhood.

  I turn the corner and pull up in front of her building all out of excuses. I cut the engine and stare up at her balcony, and my heart skips a beat when I see Layna standing there holding a cup of coffee with both hands. So beautiful and kind, full of love to give to a child, a child that will surely grow up to cause her pain and disappointment.

  How can I make you see, my Layla?

  I parallel park and get out of my car and look up to find she’s gone back inside. I hope it’s not because of me. I’m showing up unannounced after abandoning her on the beach last night after all. She has every right not to want to see me.

  I slip in the security door when someone exits and get in the elevator, continuing to wrack my brain for an excuse not to have a baby. When the doors slide open, a rush of panic flows through me. I have nothing, nothing but the truth.

  Standing in front of her door, I reach out to knock three times losing my nerve each time until Mimi flings open the door. She’s standing right in front of me with her hand on her hip, hair sticking every which way, sunburn on her nose and fire in her eyes.

  “So, are you just going to stand out here all day like a coward, or are you coming inside to apologize to Layna and be a stand-up guy who’s going to support her through this extremely difficult time in her life?” She taps her foot and raises her eyebrows waiting for my response.

  “Apologize and support,” I say without thinking.

  Her face softens, and she opens the door stepping back to allow me in. “She’s in the kitchen, and she saw you outside, so she knows you’re here.” br />
  “Okay, thanks, Mimi.”

  “Don’t thank me yet. I’m still perfectly willing to kick your ass if you don’t do the right thing.”

  The problem with that is she has no idea what the right thing is. To her, I’m just a loser who knocked up her best friend and ditched her. Neither of them knows why not having this baby is the right thing to do.

  I nod as she closes the door and plods down the hall back to bed leaving me to find Layna on my own. In the kitchen, her back is to me as she pours herself a fresh cup of coffee. Something in me wants to remind her that caffeine is bad for the baby, but it doesn’t matter. That baby has half of my genes, and that’s a thousand times worse than a second cup of coffee.

  “Layna?”

  She pauses for a millisecond before returning to pouring creamer into her coffee, and then she draws in a deep breath letting it out in a sigh. “Damian,” she says with expectation in her voice while turning to face me.

  “I want to apologize for last night. I was… I was stunned, to say the least, but I shouldn’t have run off like that, and I’m sorry. It was a total jerk move.”

  “To say the least,” she mirrors my words back to me in a bitter tone.

  I stuff my hands in my pockets and look down at the travertine flooring praying for the right words to say. “Layna, I care for you a lot, and I don’t want to hurt you, but I think we should sit down and talk about this situation.”

  I look up, and she’s shooting daggers at me with her eyes. Shit.

  “This situation? It’s a child, Damian, not a situation, and I think you said it all last night when you all but told me to have an abortion before you took off and left me speechless on the beach. I’m willing to talk, but you need to know that I’m having this baby with or without your support. There’s nothing you can say that will change my mind. So, if you want to discuss plans for our baby and this relationship, I’m more than happy to do so. If you’re going to suggest I have an abortion or give the baby up, you know where the door is.” She nods in the direction of the front door just in case I’ve forgotten.